Raising Well Behaved Children

We raised two, of whom I am totally proud. They are fine, considerate, caring adults, for which I give my spouse full credit. But that’s not the subject of this piece. The subject deals with the method, technique, and skill of raising well-behaved children.

Two boys, I’m told, are the worst combination. I agree. It’s axiomatic. For us it was a daily struggle. Why? We didn’t know the method, the technique nor did we have the skill. So what qualifies me now to address the subject with expertise?

For the past twenty-two years my residence has included a full spa with common whirlpool and swimming pool and for over two decades I’ve observed hundreds of families with various aged children, many of who were poorly behaved as well as the majority who were well behaved and discovered the common thread inherent in each group. The method, technique, and skill are no secret. It should be obvious, although it wasn’t to us. It’s just a matter of manner, courtesy and respect, not from the children; to the children. Those struggling with the poorly behaved attempted to control with intimidation, shouts, and threats with the result the children responded in kind.

Those with the well behaved needed not intimidation, shouts or threats. They addressed their children respectfully, quietly, knowing compliance was a given and it was. It was almost as if the parents were addressing other adults. It’s as simple as that.

I don’t know how my eldest son (my younger is just recently married) and his wife discovered the skill, but they have it. Their six children are just a joy to be with. The two eldest help care lovingly for the others. That’s their job, their responsibility, their joy.

Do I oversimplify? Perhaps, but that’s the way I see it.

Hal Fishbein
October 2007